Two sentences

Inconvenient times;
the mind recalls what occurred,
in convenient times

Hopefully the intent is understood on this one.

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Dark Times

I stumbled across this last night and almost deleted it. I hold myself back with my writing sometimes because I don’t want to feel the emotions or remember the memories that generated these little pieces.

After my second read through though, I realized that I didn’t fall. I was able to hold on and I am now on the other side of the chasm.

 

I’m standing at the edge of that dark abyss.  I’m trying to back away slowly but I can feel the ground sinking. If I move too quickly, it’ll give way. If I move too slowly, the ground becomes quicksand, trapping me. Both ensure an inevitable death.

I don’t make it far because I now feel an anchor holding me in place. I’m frantically trying to pry it off. Only a few feet ahead, I see the edge making its way toward me.

And then…the edge meets the anchor.

I twist around, furiously reaching out for anything I can hold on to. My legs go over the edge. My hands find something. My stomach and my chest are swallowed by the darkness.
 
I’m clinging on with every fiber in my being. The anchor pulling harder and harder.  My hands ache and are slipping.

First challenge

I signed up for the NYC midnight short story challenge. I’m not quite sure I’m prepared for this. 

The competition consists of three rounds.  In each round, writers are placed in heats and assigned a set of requirements to be included within their story. Each round gets shorter, the first round lasts eight days while the final round is just 24 hours. 

The genre I’m afraid of being assigned is political satire. I know what it is but I don’t know at the same time. If you’ve ever participated in a similar competition, any and all tips are greatly appreciated. 

Haikus are kind of my thing…

Apparently, I’m really bad at blogging but what I AM great at are haikus. Sure, some are silly, others are stupid, and a couple are pretty intense but they are all fun to write!

Not happy with them
They both will ruin us all
We’re all freaking doomed

Heart’s stopped, breath, taken
Tell me what he did to you
Tears and rage pour out

Within you, I see:
Hope, Happiness, and True Love.
You must see it too

Four 

​I was told today that it takes four positive thoughts to replace one negative thought. Unfortunately, I have a lot of negativity mixed with some really dark stuff in my head.  But let’s try it…

  1. The empathy I have for my friends and family runs deep. 
  2. I’m A LOT better at editing than I thought I’d be. 
  3. After the year I’ve endured, I recently learned I have a steady job for the next 6 months!
  4. I make some pretty wicked mini peanut butter cheesecakes. 😍

    Now, I only wonder when this will take effect…

    This year has been intense and hasn’t done anything for my self-esteem. 

    Part of it is that I’ve been struggling with making new friends and the friends I do have that I want to reach out to more are living their lives. I feel as though I’m not good enough for my coworkers.  The office I work in consists of 3 groups: the managers, the analysts, and the admin. I’m in the admin group along with one other.  I had been trying to be friends with some of the analysts without success and I would obsess as to why I wasn’t allowed into their club. 

    I’ve finally decided to get over myself and say fuck it, I’m not gonna try to get people to like me anymore. And my self destructive habit of negativity is getting the boot as well so bear with me. 

    Sharp Objects

    I had the absolute pleasure of reading my very first Gillian Flynn novel which fittingly happened to be her debut novel, Sharp Objects.  I actually really liked it.  It was raw, gritty, and had me saying ‘What in the actual fuck’ a couple of times.

    Camille is a (slacker) journalist who has just been tasked with covering two murders that occurred in her hometown.  She begrudgingly goes home to get the scoop and while there has to deal with her insufferable mother as well as her demon half sister, Amma.

    I thought I had the whodunit part figured out early but no.  This played as a movie the entire time I read it even replete with its own [spoiler]false ending!!!![/spoiler]  Mrs. Flynn does an excellent job with the suspense and with keeping the readers interest.

    Internal Tug of War

    This past quarter I finally snapped out of my denial laden life.  I CHOSE THE WRONG MAJOR!!!!!!!  Sure I have tons of options associated with my major but in the end, I should’ve gone with my heart and chosen Writing Studies for my major.

    Thankfully, to receive my BA, it has only taken about a year.  For 3 of the past 4 quarters, I’ve taken mostly creative writing type classes.  Eco-poetry, literary fiction, creative nonfiction, popular fiction, a lit class here and there.  I took one writing class last quarter but it was news writing.  I volunteered for the school’s lit magazine.  I’ve surrounded myself with mainly writing study majors.  They’ve all been incredibly inspiring.

    What was I thinking not following my heart?  Not pursuing something I’ve wanted for the past 22 years?!  I could’ve continued improving my skills.

    One of my classmates was accepted into an MFA program.  I’m extremely excited for her as well as a bit jealous.  I could’ve done that too.  I SHOULD’VE done that.  Since January, I’ve been researching schools that have great MFA programs and learning about how graduate programs work.  I had no idea they were THAT competitive until I realized that less than 15 students get accepted out of hundreds of applicants.

    Wondering if I’m good enough is stopping me from seriously applying.   Of course, I’ve missed the deadline for next school year so I have a couple more months to really figure it out.